Friday, 27 April 2012

Fit for Purpose?

I should mention that I have taken all my medication including my diazipam so if i waffle or go off on a tangent then please bare with me at some point i will remember what i am doing and come back to you!!, anyway i was saying about the diazipam that i try not to use it too much because i have a family and they need mum to not be a spaced out monkey!! and of course it is addictive!  But all the meds i am on are either addictive or could cause issues with my stomach, and the Steroid injections puff me out like a balloon, so although my left hip is now incredibly painful (never been my left - always my right!) i don't want to put on any more weight so will have to deal with it!!! Today i hate my body! its is such a good thing that my family do not read the rubbish i write because if they really knew how i felt about me it would change our relationship! and i am lonely enough without sympathy and "those looks" from them! and it would just make them feel bad and they can't help me, which would make me feel guilty! VICIOUS CIRCLE!

BUT If anyone out there has any kind of back problem that leaves them unable to walk, snuggle your children in a way that makes them feel loved instead of constantly worrying that they are going to hurt you and generally kicks you when you are already laying flat on the ground with your soul exposed because your in pain - and understands that there is no dignity in that! then you will understand this post!!!  

My Amazing Son worries about giving me a cuddle because he might hurt me, he wont sit on my lap anymore because i have become a person in a broken body and he is terrified of hurting me!! : (  and all i think about is that he is 13 this summer and my snuggle time with him is running out and it breaks my heart that i can't use this time with him to make him feel loved and cherished with snuggles as well as words.

I spend a lot of the time sleeping away from my beautiful Hubby, and after 11 years of being together we still love being snuggled in bed together, with our legs entwined and comforted by the fact that we are not alone in this harsh world, we have a certain unspoken communication so we know what the other person needs and it works for us!  I love him and work better with him and being close to him, (obviously not always - we are not Cinderella and Prince Charming) there are rubbish times but we always find solace in bed, just breathing the same air is our peace, but recently over the past year and a half I have found it so hard to stay still, to find a comfortable sleeping position, I cant lie on my back or right side and have to launch myself out of bed, i try sleeping in the spare bad, but now it has become toooooo soft and makes my back and hip bend in a way that is so painful that i often have to wake my sleepy hard working DH to lift me out inch by inch because any faster and it's agony!! (i know i sound like im exaggerating but seriously i'm not!!) then more often than not i will grab a pillow and take myself down stairs trying to be quiet so that i don;t wake DH again to shuffle through to the kitchen and make myself a cuppa to soothe me before bedding down on the floor in the living room. . . . . as i did last night . .  i think i had been there for about 15 minutes pacing up and down the room sipping my tea looking more like a hunch back than the beautiful sexy wife he married!! (Life hey!) so he too bedded down with his pillow on the sofa, saying if this is where i am sleeping then this is where he is sleeping!   

I am in pain most of the time, most of the days of the week, and most of the time i am unable to dress myself properly (that's they boys job!) and for an independent professional woman this is fairly humiliating! But it goes to show how loved i am and needed i am and so even though i cant move and in 10 years time they will have to remove the roof to air lift my mass out of the house (!!!) i am beginning to feel like i haven't let my boys down, or sold my DH a dude product who is no longer fit for purpose!

Needing a friend again today - Sorry!! 

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Hose Pipe Ban?? - Not in my tear ducts!

I find myself moving around the house robotically this morning, my back is refusing to move bend or lean in any direction and no matter how gently i try i am greeted with excruciating pain that leaves me holding my breath and unable to move for a few seconds . . . . and Yes before you ask i have taken all my medication!  

I am taking a certain risk by telling you this as i know a friend, i have spoken about him in the past, i believe i presented him as lovable but annoying boyfriend of amazing friend (!) back in February when we went to visit the Queen, is going to read this and i shall again be inundated with emails and flyers from scooter shops and such like!!!  

I know i joke about this but today is very bad and because it stops me from moving freely, i tend to stay indoors when the pain is very bad! such as today - so yes i am a sad, nearly 40ish lady who is totally housebound today and feeling very lonely.  If i told someone that i felt this way then i probably wouldn't feel lonely but then i run the risk of sympathy (really not sure which is worse!)  So i shall suffer (not to be confused with Martyr suffering!) in silence because the loss of dignity and independence would be horrific! 

I was hoping that once i'd had the MRI results back all would be well, that they (the superior people in white coats) would see the problem and gather for the "how are we going to fix it?" meeting, murmuring strategies to each other over their very early morning cup of caffeine (i watch Greys Anatomy too!)  BUT SADLY no this is not the case, yes they can see the problem but it is not surgical so they can not fix me, they could potentially do more damage by taking me in to surgery!! 

So today i am marking of the days off in my calendar until i grace the Pain Clinic with my beautiful (if slightly  chubby!) self and throw myself at their feet (probably more of a precise placing of myself!) begging for them to fix me!!

Is anyone reading this because i could really use a friend today!

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

All in a days work!!

We took Inherited Dog to the pet shop tonight for his monthly (ish) groom, he is funny, he walked into the beauty room with long curly hair, he's a border terrier so really shouldn't have long curly hair, and when he walked out he looked like he had signed up for the Army! Doggie Bootcamp!!  all puffed up in the chest looking very handsome!!! he has a swagger to his walk when he comes out of there, i wonder if it has anything to do with him having his anal glands cleaned out, ( i wonder how they do that!!) 

Anyway the theme of spending money sadly continues (we just cant help it!) because whilst waiting for Inherited Dog to have his hair done we stepped into a stationary shop and casually spent again, casually picking things of shelves, well yes we did need new landlines, and yes ok we do need more printer paper BUT did we need to get then today??  

Oh a sports shop, and two bags of stuff later . . . . . . . . .  SEE! we must stop spending money!!!  We just aren't making it as fast as we are spending it!! Big sigh!! 

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

£45.00 per Pillow? Did they see us coming?

Its only been a day or so since my last entry but i feel like so much has happened!!  

Yesterday was DH and my Wedding Anniversary, although we didn't really do much, DH worked and I sorted out our new purchases from John Lewis . . . memory foam topper and pillows, I have such great expectations for them . . . . I had a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered (thank you Dashing Beautiful Husband) AND they were my favourite flowers! Well done you!! and last night we went out the dinner (all three of us because romance just doesn't exist in this house!)  

So yesterday i stripped beds, washed everything, ironed (which I find very difficult to do now) but i wanted our new stuff to live the life of luxury in our room . . . .  it looked beautiful by the time i had finished and i showed off when amazing son came home from school, "look at our bed doesn't it look wonderful - no baby your bed doesn't look as nice does it??"  Lay on it??? "urm well OK just for a minute"  Honestly i really am anal about things looking lovely, DH says i want to live in a show home, but i don't its just that our home is lovely and i like to look after it, that's not to say that it doesn't look lived in because it sooooooo does!! I just don't see why we have to live in a mess!  DH did call me Sleeping with the Enemy for a reason you know!! 


We get back from the restaurant and very excited we suggest "shall we go to bed??" sadly not for the reason that would normally get you excited when asking (suggestively) your sexy husband to come to bed!  No this is because we couldn't wait to snuggle into the hundreds of pounds that we had invested?  DH was asleep with in minutes but unfortunately i couldn't get comfortable, i tossed and turned, even tried to starfish!!! and eventually at about 2am trudged silently through the house and made myself a very soothing cup of tea before giving the whole thing another go!!  by which point i was in such a foul mood that i woke DH to tell him i was awake (only fair really, he MIGHT have wanted to know!!) i contemplated getting up again for a further cuppa but before i knew it, it was daylight and i had slept albeit badly and fairly uncomfortably!  so tonight i am taking no prisoners!!

Sunday, 22 April 2012

Our Lost Sunday!

Well it's not been our normal Sunday that's for sure!!  For example i was NOT woken this morning with snuggles from my boys!! I was also NOT greeted with my normal Sunday "hunni your breakfast wont be long, oh and here's your cuppa!" Kisses and a loving smack on my bottom - No, none of this!! Has some body stolen Sunday??

And then i remembered . . . . . . . We're going window shopping then we're off for a meeting.

Today the theme has been "lets spend money!!"

We went to John Lewis . . . .  with the intention of looking, honestly this is possible!!

LOOK! Dashing Husband said tapping me on the shoulder and pointing, over there is a LUSH!!!  It really would have been rude not to go in a say hi and perhaps purchase a bath bomb or two!! so that's exactly what we did!!

We bought . . .

Dragons Egg (my absolute Fav!!)


But if i had enough money, storage and hands i would have got all of these!! 


this one is great for my back - very soothing!!

Then we took a mosey across the shopping centre to John Lewis (ah wipe your feet baby we're home!!!!) . . . with the intention of looking (such innocence!)  that was soooo NOT going to happen really was it?

We had decided months ago that we probably needed a new mattress, (because of my back!!) BUT have you looked at the price of memory foam recently! Scratching of heads . .  shall we just get some pillows and see how that works??

So that's what we did, we spent a ridiculous amount of money on 4 pillows and a mattress topper . . . .(comforting ourselves that it is soooo much cheaper than buying a new mattress) then we went down one floor and started looking at the laptops!!    Silly move really!!  Three hours and a lot lighter in the pocket later we came home absolutely exhausted, reinforcing to each other that we needed a new laptop for the business - its an investment!! 

So we are now barred from spending money, NO, NOTHING!!!! Put it back! WE ARE NOT SPENDING MONEY!

It's our wedding anniversary tomorrow so i think we are off to test the new pillows!! 

Nighty Night 

Saturday, 21 April 2012

And the little one said!!

Ahh Saturdays!

Although DH and Amazing Son are going to work today it is still lovely to wake with the sun streaming in through the blinds with DH's arm casually thrown over my shoulder, while he is saying no baby don't get up, just 5 more minutes!! its a no brainer, i snuggle back down after all its not even 6am. 

Then we see him - Amazing son in the doorway, saying can i come in and snuggle with you??  So its the proverbial 3 in the bed scenario and no its not whatever the little one said!!!  You move over, no you move over, ahhh OK NOBODY MOVE!! eventually we all get snuggled for about 5 minutes and then we get up!! 

What shall i do this morning - I could spread my happiness through my house, cleaning and sparkling the spring into it OR as the rain has gone and the sun is being glorious i could sit in the garden with my peppermint tea.  

The boys are just leaving for work, leaving inherited dog and i to lap up the sun (for as long as we have it!) and drink our drinks!  

I think i shall not be vacuuming or shining today!!

We are going to a function this evening at the Rowing Club so might just relax until then, the boys are pretty much out all day working and then off to the golf course!! So inherited dog and i shall be spending some quality time together.

Did i tell you we had had our van sign written and that it looks amazing!! The business of doing business is holding its own!  DH has worked his fingers to the bone over the the last 2 1/2 years but definitely worth it and perhaps like any new venture we will start to reap some rewards of our labour soon?!  Please!

Well i'm off to make my peppermint tea - Enjoy your day!

Friday, 20 April 2012

Nosedive into the Weekend!

Nothing to say today really other than its nearly the weekend YAY!! When breakfast in bed, snuggles and holding hands seem to be a way of life . . . .

DH generally cooks at weekends while i take snuggle opportunities very seriously!!!

Inherited Dog will have his mamoth walk, and DH and I will laugh and frolick behind bushes, its our wedding anniversary in a couple of days so lots of loving!! while Amazing Son is being a Cox! Living in the country really is good for you!

I hope all you readers will have as good a weekend as we will have!!

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Having chubby elbows is not the way forward!

I have put on an enormous amount of weight since I damaged my back and I get very depressed about it and wonder how on earth does DH still want to be with me . . . . but he does .. . . i know its fantastic!! he says i'm sexy and beautiful, this is shocking, i mean i have never been particularly comfortable with my body even when i was a size ten ok twelve, the only time i actually thought i was sexy was when i was heavily pregnant with Amazing Son.  I felt amazing, my skin was great, my hair was healthy and shiny.  i loved every minute of it!

But when i put make - up on or do my hair and get dressed up, i feel like a complete fraud or like people are looking at me because I've done it wrong.  This might be confidence!!   i've always felt like i was dressing up in my mums clothes (if you know what i mean!!).  I'm not sure i know how to be a girlie!

So i have to try to figure out how to loose a couple of stone without any major exercising because well i can't do much without being in agony!!  So head scratching and furrowing of eye brows!!!

I think i might need to give up chocolate completely now!!  Bugger!

Any ideas very welcome!!

Monday, 16 April 2012

One step at a time!

Just put one foot in front of the other and you'll eventually get where you are meant to be!!

SOMETIMES. . . . . . .

Amazing Son and I were walking to town this morning when we bumped into a friend who was trying to rescue 3 ducklings all about a week old, that had fallen down two drains, 2 down one and one in the other adjacent one . . .

This is what we saw . . . . .

This is not a photo but it is exactly what we saw, mum was screaming and chattering to the "kids" obviously very distressed walking in circles and not really knowing what to do, headless chicken came to mind because it was just sheer panic . . . but she had 4 other babies in the water so went back to them leaving us to watch over her stranded babies!

The RSPCA had been called to the rescue but they couldn't confirm how long they were going to be (!!!!), and with the weather being so cold we didn't know how long the ducklings would survive without food, water and mummy warmth.  The two ducklings were snuggled together, one was stronger than the other, we noticed that the smaller one had stopped moving and was being pushed, nudged and screamed at by the stronger duckling, it was so emotional to watch, helplessly,  but the littler one was in trouble and we could do nothing to help!!!  Crying now!!

After what must have been a life time for mum the lids on the drains were eventually lifted and the ducklings were evacuated to safety and the flock of birds that rushed over to them was overwhelming!  What a support network, all nudging and pecking . . . . lovely!

But the little one was  very dopey and quite floppy so one of the rescuers was going to take it to the Vets round the corner!!

Amazing Son and I left because it was so distressing to watch but i don't think he would have made it, he was so floppy and unable to hold his head up while the other two were running around pecking the ground obviously delighted to be free.

Today's lesson was to be thankful for life and to put one foot in front of the other freely and willingly even if you are going to fall down a drain, hopefully there will be a good Samaritan there to rescue you!

It's 3 years today since we lost DH's dad and helping to rescue a duckling or 3 made it easier and helped put life's little adventures into perspective so thank you for listening to me ( not that i really think anyone is BUT! )

We will keep putting one foot in front of the other and hopefully we will get to where we are supposed to be!!

I wish my mum lived near me!

Friday, 13 April 2012

The Rantings of a Chocolate Starved Lunatic!!

I've just spent the day tap tap tapping, filing and sorting out the business administration, which i really should do more often because otherwise this happens . . . .

An exhausting climb to the top of the pile and slowly worked my way down to the desk!! Phew i'm shattered and have a headache and i didn't even wear a harness when i climbed to the top of the pile!!

 . . . well it's all up do date now and as a reward for being so industrious i was looking forward to going out to dinner with some lovely friends but DH just phoned (hence my blog rant!) saying i'm really sorry but I'm not going to make it . . . .!!  I could go without them but that just feels wrong so i shall wait for them to come home and then deal with dinner! Amazing son has been eating us out of house and home this week reminds me of a Pacman!  (how funny is that image in your heads!!)

PANTS!! (wow get me, i'm good at these rants!) I know its only dinner but i was really looking forward to it.

Wish i drank but i don't like the taste of it, (unless i have at least 3 then i don't much care!!) because now would be a really good time to have a drink or ten! 

AND I deliberately haven't eaten all day (nothing, not a thing!) so that i could pig out tonight and now it looks like i'm cooking!  But before i do i think i shall go to the goodie draw, i've been very good lately but desperate times and all that!!!  Although I have a sinking feeling the drawer is disturbingly empty!!  so can't even rant and rave whilst eating a chocolate bar! it really is Friday 13th . . . .  what kind of house do i run with no chocolate in it!! what if there's an emergency and we cant leave the house for weeks, how will i survive (or anyone else for that matter!!) if i haven't got any chocolate?? 

Think I'll grab my keys and go to the shop and buy emergency chocolate OR!! i could just ask DH to get some on his way home from work, whenever that might be!! save me going out! 

Anyway my kite flying friend is coming up on Monday so we shall have at least 3 glasses of something after she has exhausted Amazing Son with her flying of kites!! 

Rant over!!!

Happiness (as much as possible!) has been resumed until DH comes home . . . .  he might be in trouble! 

Does anyone read my insane rantings??  

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Mother Of Mine, You gave to me!

It's DH's mums Birthday today . . . another first!! Its an odd one really because for years we have celebrated her birthday, a BBQ, a party or dinner . . . . something, so putting flowers on her grave doesn't seem to do it!

It's also DH's sister's Birthday today - not sure that i could get my head around that one, i would probably celebrate on a different day - but maybe not, i would want to cherish all my birthday memories from years gone by - have a peice of mum that no one else has, if that makes since, i know she is going ot find today very difficult.   

We will also be celebrating our daughters 22nd Birthday just one day before DH's dad's 3rd anniversary of his death!

I know its a gruesome week ahead with lots of firsts!!

Its been 7 months since DH's mum died and she is so missed but with her and dad together there is a hole so big it just can't be filled and just when we think we are strong enough, we break again . .  grief is a very difficult emotion to deal with!   

I don't really have much else to say today other than it felt wrong not to acknowlegde their lives today and to say Happy Birthday Mum,  I hope you like your flowers.

DH was sat in the Study listening to "So Much Love to Give" by Freeloader this morning,  he does this when we're alseep so that he can have a cry and talk to you before we get up.  You listened to that song the very last time we saw you in hospital and you were laughing and you said it only had a few words, you didn't have a choice really we put the headphones on you and because you couldn't move you had to wait for us to take them off again! that was only 3 days before we lost you but your family were with you until the end!

We played this song at DH's mum's funeral and it brings a lump to our throats even now thinking about it, but i think this song sums up how everyone feels, so mum, this one's for you,

Mother of Mine Lyrics

Hayley Westenra

Mother of mine you gave to me
All of my life to do as I please
I owe everything I have to you
Mother sweet Mother of mine, Mother of mine
When I was young
You showed me the right way
Things should be done without your love,
where where I be

Mother sweet Mother of mine
Mother, you gave me happiness,
Much more than words can say,
I pray teh Lord that He may

* Bless you every night and everyday
Mother of mine now I am grown,
I can match great all on my own
I'd like to give you what you gave to me.

Mother sweet Mother of mine
Mother you gave me happiness.
Much more than words can say
I pray the Lord that He may

Bless you every night and everyday
Mother of mine now I am grown

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Show me the Money, actually my pillow will do!

We've all seen the movie Gerry McGuire, with the lovely Tom Cruise, when he writes his Mission Statement . . . he had something so important to say that he felt moved, compelled, to write it!  He gave up everything (even if it was unwittingly!!) for something he believed in - a type of martyrdom!  well at some point i will write my Mission Statement, but not today!! Today i am happy with the Status Quo and don't feel as dark as i did yesterday, (sorry about the dark blog!)

Today is Easter Sunday and we are supposed to be Car Booting but we have all been poorly so today the most energetic thing we shall be doing is peeling potatoes for the roast . . . . mmme roast dinner, whilst watching movies under the magic blanket! 

Back to my Gerry McGuire theme, we shall not be "showing anyone the money!" today!

DH woke me at 6 o'clock this morning with a kiss saying honey lets go and watch Titanic!!!! What?  but why? i don't understand the question?? erm its Easter Sunday and did I mention it's 6ish!!!!  Happy Easter!! No pulling him back into bed, lets stay here, come here and snuggle me and as we're in bed shall we sleep??  No, he is quite eager to watch "Titanic!"  So we trudge downstairs and put on the film, and within 10 minutes, (to add insult to injury! Salt in the wound!)  DH  is asleep! 

ASLEEP!!  sleeping like a baby!!  

So i shall take this opportunity of climbing back into bed . . . . it's 7.48am and whilst i don't feel tired now i'm sure that if i introduce my snuggly pillow and duvet to the mix . . . . 

Night x 

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Black is the colour I wear in my head!

I feel sad! 

I have felt like crying from the moment i got up, and i am not sure why but it could be for a number of reasons . . . . .

  1. I have a cold - thanks DH
  2. My back hurts so much that i am unable to walk properly and its making me feel very very old!!  Perhaps i should reconsider the Shopmobility scooter, except it can't be used around the house and i don't think it will make emptying the dishwasher any easier!
  3. My stepson doesn't want to come over at the weekend.  
  4. It's coming up to three years since DH's dad died and it still feels very real and raw.
  5. I miss my mum & dad so much and I feel guilty about it!  i know this is completely bonkers and nobody has ever said anything to make me feel this way.  It just feels wrong to flaunt my healthy parents in DH's face, when the enormity of losing both his mum and dad in such a short space of time is so overwhelming.  I have felt guilty about still having parents since DH's dad died, almost apologetic that my mum & dad are alive and well. ridiculous!!!

See now I'm crying! tonight's' blog is very self indulgent, I'm so sorry but my head is so full of emptiness and I'm not sure how to quash it!

I am going to try to tackle the above points but I'm emotional so bear with me!!

My cold is horrible and well pretty disgusting so that's enough about that!

My back is a mute subject too . . . . . . . . . bored of discussing it really so that's enough about that too for now.

I hate going to the cemetery, it reminds me of everything I'm trying to forget, of how alone and isolated their deaths have made us feel!  Sometimes i panic about dying - perhaps because we have been surrounded by death for the past few years, or maybe I'm just wallowing, yes i think tonight i am wallowing, sorry normal blogging should resume tomorrow but for now i am indulging my wallow!!  

We went to the cemetery just before Mother's Day to put flowers down for DH's mum but it's her birthday just a few days before dads anniversary so we will be going back to the cemetery soon.

Things have fallen apart a little in the 7 months since DH's mum died, I think the family are now finally able to mourn their dad as well as their mum and this is hard,  DH's family has ceased to be The Waltons and are in danger of becoming disjointed!  We hate driving back home now because it reminds us that dad's not in the garden chatting away to his daffs over a coffee and mums not watching the football screaming at the television when her beloved Man United miss an opportunity to score or outwit the other team!  Life isn't as colourful without them!!  When DH puts on his glasses he says its like looking at life in HD . . .  well no more HD!

His mum and dad have become the elephants in the room that nobody wants to talk about, yet we do talk about them! We are still licking our wounds and telling the world we're fine but underneath I'm not sure that we are!

I'm making no sense at all and this much self pity really should be contained so I'm going to go to bed

If your reading this take some headache tablets and accept my sincere apologies!

Thursday, 5 April 2012

Wanted - Love of my life! Please apply within!

Dashing Husband (DH) has generously given me his nasty cold!! thanks for that!!

So consequently i am sat on the sofa, whilst DH and Amazing Son have gone to bed, sniffling and blowing my nose with absolutely no chance of sleep and again Inherited Dog to the rescue, (he really should wear a cape or pants!).   My back is killing me, and i have deliberately not mentioned how painful it has been recently because if i don't acknowledge it, it might go away!! (not to self sticking your head in the sand does not make it stop hurting!!) 

So whilst i am unable to sleep what shall we talk about??? News, weather. . wow there has been a little bit of weather of late but no i don't want to discuss the weather . . . shall i tell you how i met my DH?? i'm going to tell you anyway!

WELL . . . . . . 

I was a very happy, self reliant, (apart from my parents who looked after amazing son when i worked) single parent to a one year old son, I needed nothing in this world other than my most amazing son, who was everything to me.  I am biased yes but he was (still is although he will read this so might take that out!!) a beautiful and handsome boy, who did nothing but giggle and laugh! wonderful!! My friends and I ran a bar and DH and his friends would come in on a Friday and drown their sorrows . . . turns out the DH had just separated from his first wife and was desperately missing his children and struggling to adjust to his new life, we would chat about them and we became friends and he started coming in  whenever i was there; although i didn't want a relationship, i did enjoy his company! like i said i was quite happy with it just being me and my Amazing Son!! BUT you can never have enough friends.  DH had other ideas, he didn't want my friendship . . raised eyebrows!! Stop it! He would send me flowers, write me love letters and generally tried everything he could to wear me down!! He used to post Creme Eggs (they were my favourite!  How's a girl to resist!!??) through the letter box of the bar when he walked past to go to the station in the mornings on his way to work. (i'm sure when he reads this he will say i have some details wrong but it's my blog!)  He taped hot cross buns to my front door because he knew i lived them but i could go out.  

I had been through a very emotional and traumatic time and really didn't trust anyone, not with my emotions so for me to trust DH was no small thing!  But he was so consistent, and honest (good quality!) and kind of transparent, i mean that in a good way, that he had no agenda other than to make me feel good about me!  He was strong and gentle and against my better judgement i fell in love with him, but i fought it every step of the way. . . I had been badly hurt in the past, me and my theme tune to life!!  So because he was too good to be true i made life difficult for him, not out of nastiness but self preservation to see if he would come back, to see if he too would head for the hills at the first sign of trouble, but no matter what i did or said (and i did and said some horrible things!!) he kept coming back, saying that he understood why i said what i said and acted the way i did!!!   He was gentle with my heart and considerate of my Amazing Son.  He treated Amazing son like his own.  Up until DH there hadn't been many constants in my adult life other than my family - people always left me.  As you know my family isn't close either geographically, so it was always fend for yourself although my oldest brother did keep more of a watchful eye on me.  

When amazing son and i met DH's children, they obviously called him daddy so naturally Amazing Son copied and that's really how it started! the three of us fell in love with each other - I'm sure that any single parent out there will appreciate the complexities of introducing another dynamic into your babies life . . will they love them the way that you love them, will they be fair? will they etc... . . . . but we worked!  

Turns out that DH fits me perfectly -  we are coming up to our 8th Wedding Anniversary although we've been together 11 and whilst we have had some horrendous arguments and we don't always make up before bedtime, we love each other and although we treat each other unforgiveably sometimes we always manage to forgive.  I have learnt how to love with DH, he has taught me about things that i had no idea existed and hopefully in there i have taught him a few things too . . .  i hope that we are teaching Amazing  Son that love is messy and imperfect and it's not the fairytale that for so many years i thought it was, that it is ok to argue and it's ok to be stubborn but more importantly it's OK to love without question and trust someone with your heart, even if it gets broken, because broken hearts can be fixed! 

Does anyone read this nonsense?  

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Take your medicine!!!

He's back!

AND he's back with gifts!!!!

Kneeling and flaying my arms wildly at the 3 (yes 3!!) bottles of Channel . . . . SPOILT...


this one was given to me only a few months ago, honestly i really am spoilt!!! 


DH you may go away more often!!

He's come home with a cold so he's sneezing and coughing everywhere and although this does not appear to have slid down the slippery slope towards "man flu" i fear it does have potential!!!  so there is only one thing for it . . . . . . . .

Off to the wardrobe i go to put on my nurses uniform and find the correct medicine!

I think he'll be alright!

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Ahh Sundays. . . . .

It's Sunday afternoon . . . . not my usual weekend of handholding, spending time with my lovely DH, Amazing Son and Inherited Dog Walking but a good weekend nonetheless!

Amazing Son is at the Rowing Club practicing how to boss his team mates around - this i fear is a role is will be rather good at! So i am left with my Pomegranate & Green Tea and my blog!! Hello readers!!

Amazing Son and I went to dinner at our Italian last night and we laughed so much about such silly things that normally the stresses of day to day lifey stuff wouldn't allow you to laugh at or find funny! . . . you know the really basic stuff that kids laugh at - that was what last night was about for me and Amazing Son . . . belly laughing, so loudly in fact that the staff and owners were laughing with (at??) us! we had cramps and stitches from laughing so much but this didn't quell our appetites for the scrumptious foods that were placed in front of us!  we laughed and ate and really had a great time, we walked home arm in arm, slumped on the sofa once we got there and snuggled until Amazing Son said i'm tired so night night, giving him a big wet sloppy kiss and thanking him for being Amazing; he went to bed leaving me and our big house all alone!

I am going to grab my sun glasses, Cardi and Inherited dog and go meet my amazing son and grill him about coxing before i make us dinner . . lovely!!  We have to walk past the pub too, so dinner might be delayed!!

Enjoy your Sunday lovely people