Monday, 26 August 2013

Sleeplessness

I'm so tired!  I've been laying here in hopeful silence waiting for sleep to sneak up on me!  But alas it snuck right by me completely,  although I'm having to squint one eye closed to see what I'm writing! Proving that my eyes are as I suspected ready for the land of nod!  But nothing!  When I close my eyes they snap open as if they're frightened they might miss something deliciously important, something monumentally earth shattering!

How do you make yourself sleep!  Meditation,  I'm getting the hang of it, as I've been using and learning techniques in my pain management classes over the past two years,  but I haven't got the focus tonight because of the stress of trying to sleep!  So what's left???

I might start chanting !  But what to chant and how?  Up until this point I've just concluded that chanting was glorified shouting  and wailing.  I am willing to try anything once,  sleep being the main, only, objective here so ...  To chant!  I shall let you know how that goes with the neighbours as its 3.02am!


Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Getting to know you!



 
 The end of summer is fast approaching and the sun has that end of summer sheen to its heat, the kind that wraps you up and gives you a warm familiar snuggle!
This is most certainly, without a shadow of a doubt, THE best time of year!  Colours are vivid and the grass smells fresher than any other time of year!  and..... wait for it .... the Conkers are coming, which means only one thing........ conker fights with Amazing Son!  Yay!  I am very competitive but then so is he!!  hhmme I wonder who he gets that from! DH I think!

Hasn't the summer been amazing? The best for a very long time!! I had to get the fans down from the loft ..... OK I had to instruct Amazing Son and DH to get them down from tihe loft!! HAPPY! 

DH and Amazing Son have worked worked worked their buts off while I have been lazing at home doing well very important stuff!! Occasionally I lunch with the girls or grab a coffee or peppermint Tea (yes i still love them!) on the way to check in with my new friends at the club!  I'm in a club!!! or take Inherited Dog gingerly to the park for a picnic! that's when Amazing Son is around because as you know my mobility is rather poor!  and occassionaly i stay on the sofa because well i just cant get of it! DH has worked so much (which is good as it means the business is doing well!) however it also means that friends come and go without seeing him! unless they stay over which is obviously a popular choice but he's been working most weekends and is totally frazzled!  We've not had a holiday yet because well honestly we just can't afford it BUT we are still going to have fun although DH really does need a break!! Fingers crossed for the lottery on Friday!  then HOLIDAY here we come!!

OK so what other news have I for you!  I've been away soooo long it hard to remember!

DH had an op on his knee way back in January and whilst the surgery has healed and healed well he is still struggling very much, he even took time off away from work because he just couldn't weight bear which anyone that knows my DH knows that he has to be v ill indeed to take time off! he just doesn't do it, but my reason for mentioning it is that its 7 months later and he is still not fully recovered!  His leg appears to have lost weight and to be thinner than the other and he still has pain.  i think i need to keep an eye on him! He is just such a lovely man, i am blessed really and should be grateful to his first wife for discarding him, her loss was my gain as they say!  but i am obviously not as good a person as i would like because whilst I do have feelings for the woman they are not for gratitude! 

More news . . . .

Ahh yes the Regatta!! Amazing Son raced in the regatta and he was brilliantly amazing! our friends came up to assist us with the cheering (obviously parent code for embarrassing him) we had a wonderful weekend so much so that we are already organizing how, what and where for next year!! Excellent!!

Unfortunately friends go home and leave us to rattle around in our house! We have made lots of changes to the house because I'm no longer able to get upstairs every night to go to bed or for whatever reason!  so we have moved the office upstairs and Amazing son has moved into the big room so we have gone down to a very large two bed house!  Downstairs we have a snug for me with a comfy chair and blanket for me to sleep on when the stairs are just too much.  BUT the man came to measure me today for a chair lift.  I have been reliably informed that it will be installed in no time at all.  Oh good!! cant bloody wait!  when I stop laughing at my body (self) i get quite cross with it (me).  Our beautiful En Suite is to be ripped out and a walk in shower / wet room is to be installed there, because i can't bathe without assistance, (DH helps with that ..... hmme bubbles, lovely!)) oh and I'm getting a smart loo, it washes and dries and all sorts! Get me! so that's the house and our changes! 

I've spent a lot of time in the garden during the summer, nursing my tomatoes as usual, although not as much as i would have liked because we have the worst neighbours with screamy children and when we approached them with the would you mind asking your children to perhaps not scream all day we were told that their children are encouraged to make as much noise as they want!! WTF!! do we not live in a community where you consider other people??  obviously not, but I think she is a bully!

I've started seeing a psychologist to help with me to come to terms with not getting better, which we've come to realise is the crux of my problem .... I have been programmed from when i was little, that you only take time off from work if you're sick and if  your sick you take time of work, you rest, you get better and then go back to work, you do not go shopping or go to lunch with friends or etc.... ... So I have been waiting in limbo (for want of a better analogy!) waiting for my condition to fix itself so that i can get back to my life, and stop feeling guilty and slinking about, because I'm not coughing or sniffling . . . obviously i am just starting to realise that this is actually my life . . . I am disabled and i struggle daily, i am no longer able to dress myself on my own or lift a kettle to make myself a cuppa, i am slowly understanding that that part of my life is over and that this is my new life, I must decide what i want to do and move forward, get out of my Limbo!!  

I tell myself every day that I am so lucky because I am getting a second chance to do things again, and not very many people get a second chance do they? 

So life is still a work in progress but we are so happy together . . . .