Acceptance!

My tomatoes look very sad, i think the day has come and gone when i should have uprooted and discarded them but i'm not as mobile as i was even this time last year and to be honest with you i just can't bend down to them, just like i can no longer do so many things.  

I had an appointment during the week with a consultant who asked me to go through everything from start to now so she had a complete picture of how medically and emotionally I am.

TRAUMATIC!

By the time DH and I came out of the room we had reminded ourselves of everything i can now NO LONGER do! and i swear at that moment we were both gripped with utter despair but it quickly passed and we devise ways of doing things that help combat but i've not been able to shake the grip completely, it suddenly dawned on me that i am disabled and what that means!  i think i am (or might be) beginning to accept my new life and what i can do! i think i would prefer to focus on what i can do instead of what i used to be able to do or what i can't do, does that make sense! 

But my AS is growing up, my stepchildren don't want to come over because they too are growing up, DH works full time, but his knees really hurting him now so .... i have no idea what the future will bring! where we will be in a few years and how we will be managing!

Life is very hard and i need to find something that i can do to make me feel useful again! I need a purpose! 

Our Free Weekend!

I'm sat in the garden with a cup of Tea perched (backs hurting) at the garden table on one of the matching chairs, i don't care that my bum is hurting from the very cold slates, which is making my back ache but i'm determined to squeeze ever ounce of summer time there is to have out of the garden and the sun and well everything else summery.  

Amazing son has gone on an adventure weekend with the school and isn't back until Sunday afternoon. So while the cats away . . . . .  we aren't normally the mice but on this occasion it works! 

What wonderful plans do we have for the weekend, you know the one weekend in a million when Amazing Son is away and there are absolutely no children to answer to I hear you ask??

You know how it is .... if only we had a weekend to ourselves, we'd : - 

1. Have sex in the afternoon in the lounge or in our room but with the door open without the TV on unnaturally loud!!* well we might!
2. We'd go out to a fancy restaurant and treat ourselves! although Amazing Son is very good and we go to nice restaurants with him anyway because he knows how to behave!
3. I can't think of anymore suggestions but you get the idea . . . . .

Well sex is definitely off the cards, my back is absolutely to painful however, i have heard that it is very good exercise . . . .

DH will be home soon and we are going for a panani and a flat white! life is good, while we no longer have date night because i cant walk for long and because AS's rowing schedule changed, we do still kiss and hold hands.  

I think i might go and get a blanket and snuggle on the sofa! x 

*Amazing Son if your reading this dad and I do NOT have sex! :)